I have worked in the adult industry in one form or another since 1996. That’s almost 20 years! To be fair, it was Sept 96 that I got started, so we’ll say 15 years and a bit. In that time, I have done everything from web developer to photographer, videographer to male performer.
I got into adult by fluke to be honest. I owned a start up multimedia company, dealing with websites, video streaming etc and a buddy wanted to talk to this hot girl he had a crush on. he wasn’t confident enough to do it so he dragged me along. Short version – we hit it off (as friends) and she was a model. She later asked me if I’d consider taking photos of her. I had experience with photography, as well as equipment, a photo studio etc so I was able to do this. As in, I was the right guy to ask this of. I knew photography, I knew web development. I was also not trying to get her into bed and that was refreshing she told me.
side note – I thought it was sort of an egotistical thing to say, but whatever… I’m not a hot girl, how would I know what they deal with.
I agreed and a week later, we were taking photos/videos for her to site to be.
Fast forward to now…
I’ve done a lot of jobs in the industry, and I’ve worked with a lot of models. I have always seen/read/heard the same stereotypes of people that work in porn and it’s always confused me I guess. If I do not work in the dental industry, and I equipped to make assumptions about dentists? How would i know what these people go through, or deal with?
I think as we get older we start to learn that making assumptions about people is more for us than it is anyone else. Same thing happens with people in porn. People make assumptions, but largely the assumptions are asinine, incorrect and outright laughable.
If I see a guy driving a Ferrari, I might assume something about him that is not fair or accurate.
In fact, odds are, anything I can think of regarding Ferrari guy is going to be wrong. I don’t know him personally. how could I speak on his life with any degree of accuracy?
I mean sure, there are common sense assumptions that odds are, will be correct of Ferrari guy.
I bet that car was expensive.
I bet his insurance rate is higher than mine.
The moment I start assumptions with negative tones, that’s to make ME feel better yet, the are all still just random guesses about a person I don’t know.
I bet he is compensating for something.
I bet he’s so in debt his quality of life sucks.
In the porn world, the assumptions are often the same.
That girl must have daddy issues.
That girl was prob abused growing up so this is how she seeks attention now.
That girl must be a slut, I bet she’s easy to score with.
Then the negative assumptions flip to somewhat positive assumptions… I bet that girl is so rich! Porn pays amazing so she must be LOADED!
All of these, just guesses and rarely accurate in the least. I mean yes, some people in adult have been abused when they were younger. Thing is, that girl you think is cute that works in accounting on the fourth floor – she went to Cornell, she has a degree… and look, she was also abused when she was younger.
There are people in every job description out there that have a story, and sometimes the story is a hard one. Doesn’t mean if you’re abused you’re going to go into porn. Common sense should tell you if you were abused, porn would be the LAST career choice for you, shouldnt it?
There are stereotypes and sure, sometimes these are accurate. I can’t speak for everyone in porn. I can only speak for those I know. I know some people in porn that are seriously shitty human beings. Then again, I know some people in professional jobs, with degrees, that are equally if not more so shitty human beings.
The people I know in porn fall into one of two job descriptions. – You either work for yourself, or you work with someone else. Sometimes, it might be a paid gig, as in… you’re a model for hire. Other times, you might be the owner of a company hiring someone. Sometimes, it might be you are a model and you work with a webmaster, much like some of the Bellas work with me.
The people I know that are unhappy or seem damaged? Sorry, I don’t know any that fit that description. Everyone I know is happy as can be. Like anyone else, some make more money than others, and some work harder than others. Sort of like any job I have ever had before porn, or that I know of outside of adult.
Porn isn’t perfect. It’s life though. Good with the bad. Are pornstars all drug abusers? Nope. I mean yes, some do drugs but again, I know more people out of porn that do drugs than I know in porn that do drugs.
The slut comment though is one of the funny ones. When you work in porn, you are *VERY* careful with your partners. Some stars, maybe not so much but they are the less than 1%. Most know if they catch an STD, their ass is out of work, or a job, depending on what they caught. Not to mention the legal ramifications. One can get sued for loss of work, risk, emotional distress etc. Happens often in adult.. so you’d best believe most stars take care of themselves.
Now think of the boys and the last time you guys went clubbing. I had a roomie that would take home a girl every night he could. How this guy’s dick didn’t fall off, not sure. Surely he wore a rubber, right? Nope.
If you have or see stereotypes regarding porn actors or actresses, odds are they are false. It’s funny how many times online I see guys (whom I assume I are young, possibly virgins) talking smack of women in forums or sites. They will see a woman’s pic posted and then talk shit about her… internet standards sort of thing. Meh, she’s alright… etc. When in reality, this guy would most likely never have the courage to talk to this girl to ask her what time it was, let alone try and pick her up.
Yup, we live in a funny, fucked up world, but if I had to chose… porn peeps or regular peeps.. I’d take porn peeps. We’re happy, we’re our own boss in the way that if we want to earn more, all we have to do is work harder. If we’re lazy, we get our own asses kicked by small checks. It’s a perfect survival of the fittest type of scenario.
If I am working with a model and she starts getting lazy, I give no fucks. Why should I? I’m not her boss. She is only hurting herself by not working, I’m doing just fine.. working harder each day. Tomorrow, I have two appointments, plus work to be done. Tuesday, shooting, plus appointments, Wednesday, two appointments, oplus shooting. Thursday, five appointments, plus work. Life is chaotic, life is crazy, I love my life!
In closing.. treat porn stars like you would a friend. Respect them, don’t talk shit to them. Don’t make assumptions and don’t think for any reason you have the right to invade their bubble unless asked. When someone asks us what we drive, where we live, what we earn.. I smile and laugh. Why does any of that matter? Are we measuring success cocks and I wasn’t told?